An exercise is basically where we all just pretend to play war. They hold at least one every quarter and the whole base shuts down. Apparently, the North Koreans attacked us this week. Occasionally there would be small attacks throughout the base. Other times, they shot some missiles. I guess North Korean missiles are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. At times they were filled with chemical and/or biologic agents; other times they were just regular missiles. But since you don't know which kind of missile it is until it explodes (assuming it gets through the Patriots - yes, we have real live Patriot missiles here maintained by Army people), you have to fully suit up in chem gear every time. The chem gear is called called MOPP gear and includes pants and a hooded-coat that go over our regular camouflage uniforms. When the missiles come, you also have to also don a gas mask, rubber overboots and gloves, and put on the hood. You then pull a bunch of draw strings to cinch everything airtight. All of this is in addition to the 30 pound flak vest and helmet you wear around all week.
Besides walking around outside in this stuff and suffering shwass and shwalls, my least-favorite part is the drawstring that tightens the bottom edge of the coat against your waist, then swings underneath between your legs to connect again up front. It's like walking around with camel toe (or moose knuckle if you prefer) all night. You never really get used to that. After finally doing all that, you basically lie down on the ground (great opportunity for some cat-napping) until they tell you that things are clear. The longest we were fully MOPPed up was two hours, which was more than enough. Fortunately, most of the time it was only 20-30 minutes.
Jess got the day shift and I was on nights, which was all right for me considering the time change, but it's probably going to take me that much longer to get over my jet lag. The worst part was that we could only go from our dorm rooms to the clinic and back, and that's it. No going out to run or even just sit outside. Everything on base was closed anyway - the commissary (or grocery store), Bx (department store), gym (gym), etc. At least someone, mainly Cheech, stocked our fridges with food enough for the week and provided us sheets and towels. I later learned that the leopard-print sheets and the floor-to-ceiling metal pole were deliberately placed in my room as a joke. Before I learned that, however, I just assumed that the guy who lived there before me was getting his Hugh Hefner on. I asked around for a UV light so that I could check all the furniture before I sat down on/in anything. I had to borrow dish soap to wash my dishes, which also was used to scrub my dirty creases, cracks, and nether-regions, which let's face it, after shweating around in all that MOPP gear, needed a good scrubbing. Apparently the crates we sent over with our household goods have arrived, but because everything was closed, we couldn't get any of our things delivered.
When we weren't in MOPP gear, they would also occasionally bring in fake patients for us to see. Since they don't have our credentialing paperwork, much less have it processed, Jess and I can't see real patients. The fake patients usually came in with gunshot wounds, broken bones, an occasional heart attack, etc., and we'd go through the motions of triaging and treating them. There was a lot of filling out paperwork and death certificates. Mostly boring stuff. And taking naps. And doing lots of computer training. And I played a TON of Euchre on my computer.
The exercise ended Friday afternoon, and we were finally able to go outside in regular clothes. We had a barbecue that night, then went over to the pilot bar afterwards. Their bar, called the Delta, is a piece of crap. It's a dingy little building that's apparently been condemned; they're in the process of getting a new one, but until then you enter at our own peril, and that's before the pilots arrive. They have a smoke machine hanging from the ceiling that they periodically spray throughout the place. It was explained to me that the smoke, while noxious and both 100% carcinogenic and teratogenic, is the lesser evil, the greater evil actually being able to clearly see what a cesspool the place is. Yes, I said it - the sight of that place in daylight is more tragic than cancer and little kids being born with gills but without limbs. I was warned not to sit on the chairs because they have fleas, and you have to be careful where you step because the floors are uneven. There are random spots covered over with plywood where there are holes in the original floors; one such hole created only a few weeks earlier when a couple of the pilots cut into the original floor with chainsaws. Drunk pilots + chainsaws = always a bad idea.
(Kevin Baldovich a.k.a Cheech, Leilani, and Val)
After being cooped up all week, we were mostly looking to get away for the weekend, stretch or legs, and relax. I'd gotten to know a couple of the officers on the night shift with me and met a couple of other people Friday night. They'd already made hotel reservations in Seoul, and Jess and I were invited. We took the high-speed train up from Kunsan (max speed 330 km/h), then just hung out in Gangnam, a nice area of Seoul without lots of foreigners, which is good because I hate white people. We took advantage of good food, the girls went shopping (some things are the same everywhere), and mostly just tooled around and whatnot. I don't know why, but it seems that Koreans are really into beer, whiskey, and coffee. And golf.
(Paul and Kevin Blackney a.k.a Clyde)
Before returning to Kunsan, we stopped by the base at Osan, which is much closer to Seoul. It was painfully impressive how nice it is in comparison. We didn't get to see all of it, but the bit we did seemed every bit as nice as Travis (my previous base in California). It definitely should not be considered as remote as Kunsan, and from what I've heard, it very well may become a regular overseas assignment in the very near future. Jess and I have agreed that we will fight to the death to get priority for our follow along assignments if it comes down to us vs the docs at Osan for a position at the same base.Lance.
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