Kandahar 11

I missed a couple of now-obvious ones in the last update. When describing bathroom noises, I might have mentioned “Colonel Colon” playing his “booty flute.” Also should have added something like “snag yourself in the nostrils when wiping out the hostiles.” And, I should have said that, after my friend’s husband took a hit off his asthma inhaler, they continued make “sweet, wheezy love” instead of “sweet, sweet love.”

It wasn’t Lawrence this time that made the loud booming noise that shook the building and startled all of us a few weeks ago – it was a vehicle-born IED (improvised explosive device), basically a truck with a couple hundred pounds of explosive mixed in a tank, that a couple of insurgents drove up to the outer barrier of the base and set off. It was pretty impressive; shook lots of buildings on base and created a mini-mushroom cloud. No one was actually able to get onto the base, but things locked down for a couple of hours, people had to actually put on their body armor and patrol the compound, and we had to post guards at the entry points to all the buildings.

Later that night, a guy from EOD (Explosive Ordinance Disposal) came to the clinic because of an ingrown toenail. For some reason the power was out, so we were sitting out front, just talking. It actually would have been a nice night to just BS if we weren’t in a combat zone and all. I told him we’d wait a few minutes to see whether the power would come back on, but worst case, we could try removing it by flashlight.

When others inquire what EOD does, he asks whether they’ve ever seen The Hurt Locker (which could be a euphemism for soo many things, e.g., the cramped bathroom stalls in our living quarters). If so, he tells them that it’s sort of like that, but without the Tim-Cruise-in-Top-Gun maverick cowboy antics. In fact, one guy I spoke to told me that any EOD who acted like that probably wouldn’t last very long, either from blowing himself up dead or the other guys in the squad putting an end to that kind of reckless behavior pretty quick. He spoke pretty nonchalantly about having seen and knowing guys who’ve gotten hurt or killed by IEDs. It’s part of the job, I guess. One of those things you just get used to.

The defining feature of this war, really, is the ubiquitous use of IEDs. Sure, there are some complex attacks against bases – coordinated assaults where multiple insurgents try to breach security and hit high-value targets, e.g., like the VBIED the other day - but these tend to be the exception. There was another attack not too long ago on the FOB not far from KAF where they keep fuel supplies. And while there are more than a few of these, most of the attacks on US/coalition forces are by IEDs.

IEDs have become especially effective since troops have been encouraged to patrol on foot. Foot patrols are seen as more compatible with the “winning hearts and minds” strategy than driving around in Humvees, or perched high atop an MRAP (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected) vehicle, looking down on the locals. Unfortunately, the trade-off for trying to win hearts and minds has been the loss of arms, legs, and genitalia; and I’m not being facetious. There was an article in a recent Stars and Stripes (military newspaper that is surprisingly much less biased than I would have imagined) about how kids are getting their testicles blown off, damaged beyond repair, or else having them removed during the resuscitation/stabilization process when they arrive at the surgical units on bases.

I asked a surgical nurse who I recently met about it, and she said that there has been some serious discussion about this specific issue. There’s a question of whether the military should start offering sperm banking services; at the very least, whether they should counsel the kids, who will potentially be going out on patrols and be exposed to IEDs, about whether they have plans to have children, and, if so, giving them information on sperm-banks.

The insurgents come up with all kinds of ways to kill people dead with IEDs. Recently, they’ve put them into turbans and have killed Afghan government officials as well as another very popular and respected leader who many thought could have been instrumental in brokering some new, more peaceful equilibrium in the situation here. They’ve been using young children as well, brainwashing them, which is very not cool.

A few weeks ago, an Afghan woman, apparently legitimately injured in some sort of vehicular accident, was brought onto base and taken to the hospital. When someone noticed wires among her clothing, they did a more thorough search and found she had an explosive vest strapped to her body; fortunately, they were able to disable it safely. I don’t know whether the vehicular accident was opportunistic for some nearby insurgents who happened to be in the vicinity, or whether they caused the accident with the express intent of turning her into a suicide bomber.

The article went on to say that there are a lot of these kids who say they’d rather lose an arm or leg than lose their “third leg”; in 2010 almost 10% of casualties in Afghanistan had genitourinary injuries. It’s become enough of a concern that these kids are being supplied undergarments made from heavy silk (and there’s a design underway that also integrates Kevlar).

Is that an M-16 in your bomb panties or are you just happy to see me?

These ballistic boxers are supposed to provide additional groin and femoral artery protection against IED blasts, and some patrol leaders have started checking to make sure their guys are wearing them before they head out. Some guys apparently call them their “bomb panties.” The tagline for one of the products goes: Protection for your privates, both literally and figuratively.