Kandahar 12

I've discussed, ad infinitum and nauseum, the extensive uniform rules in a previous post. Each of the US services has its unique patterns and patches, and within each service there are multiple other uniforms for whatever purpose, real or imagined, they supposedly need them. It seems there are almost as many reasons for the many uniform variations as their are reasons for fun runs, although I have yet to see a pink camouflage "breast cancer awareness" uniform. But it's coming. Trust me. Everyone loves boobies.

Madam, I salute you!

Each country also has its own unique uniforms. The French, in particular, have “fashionably-cut” uniforms, which flatter some of their female troops’ ass-sets; however, I could do without the “no-secrets” fit on the dudes. “Uh, iz dat a saucisson in your pokette or ahr you zhust happy to see moi?” And their flightline mechanics can wear a variation with shorts, which just looks - and I intend this only with love and no disrespect - totally gay.

Gay or French, you ask? ... Oui!

Brian Montenegro told me about his semester at sea during college when the group went to a bath-house in France somewhere, if I remember correctly. There was a statue of a guy with his junk on full display. The guide at the bath-house tells the group, “Uh, probably you noteeced ‘dere iz a penis on dee wall.” Then proceeded to assure them that, “'Deez iz not pornography ... uh, deez iz art!” It’s funny because they’re French.


One of the flight docs here has a similar problem with his flight suit uniform, which is basically just a onesy with a zipper in the front and some other cargo pockets. His just fits way more snugly than it should. He also wears dark-rimmed glasses and looks like he could be Harry’s long-lost Muggle brother, so Joe and I have decided to call him Henry Potter. Or “Hank” for short. His real name is Jason, but who cares? Not my problem. Henry Potter will just have to do.

The British troops probably have the best uniforms, and they wear them with great aplomb. The Canadian guys call the Brits “the Beatles” because they saunter around with their fashionably-shaggy haircuts, long sideburns, designer sunglasses worn on their heads, and often wear their uniforms without undershirts. These are all acts that go against the Hammurabian code ("eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth") of proper military grooming and uniform wear which most of the rest of us follow, and which would probably result in punishment just as severe if we were caught in defiance of it. There aren’t as many of the British troops who are as “royal family” looking as I suspected, by which I mean to say that they don’t look nearly as inbred nor appear to generally have the poor dental hygiene we Americans typically assume about our English counterparts.