Kandahar 16

I posted a response I wrote to the Stars and Stripes about how I think that for-profit centers of “higher” education like DeVry and University of Phoenix aren’t doing anyone any favors: neither tax-payers, who ultimately pay for the GI Bill programs, nor the former and current military people who use that benefit for their education. Turns out that the Air Force’s educational programs aren’t really helping anyone, either.

There are different “schools” that one is supposed to complete while one has various ranks in order to qualify for promotion: SOS – Squadron Officer School – for Captains, ACSC – Air Command and Staff College – for Majors, and AWC – Air War College – for Lieutenant Colonels. Doctors don’t really need to do any of these unless they want to get promoted to a full-bird Colonel; we get more or less automatic promotion to LtCol unless we intentionally kill someone or sleep with enlisted chicks. And get caught. Some people have expressed resentment about this; I tell them that medical school, residency, and continuing medical education total way more time spent studying than most other military members will ever do, and are much more useful. Also, I’m paid to be a doctor, not an officer.

"Physicians in the Air Force take this course of study from Air University when they attain the rank of Major."
The answer, Mr. Connery?

One of the nurses here is currently taking ACSC, “a 10-month, 34-semester-hour resident course at Air University ... geared toward teaching the skills necessary to conduct air and space operations in support of a joint campaign ... Graduates can earn a master’s degree.” She stopped by one evening and asked me if I’d look over a paper she wrote for a class in which she is currently enrolled. I agreed.

Although I’m picky about grammar, I can excuse it if the content of what someone writes is interesting or matters. I mean, Dad can’t punch-uate his way out of a wet paper bag (worst pun ever?), but that’s OK because I usually have some interest in what he writes. And, quite frankly, he's my Dad and I actually think it's kind of cute.

In residency, I worked with a student who was really great; maybe the best medical student with whom I’d ever worked. When I went over a discharge summary one morning with her, there were quite a few mistakes. Further along, she pointed out that she’d spelled “caroted” instead of “carotid.” “Yeh,” I said. “You’re not too great with the spelling are you?”

“No," she answered. "Not really. I’m dyslexic.”

So yes, I felt a little bit bad about that one. But like I said, the content was good, so that's OK. This nurse’s paper? POSSIBLY THE WORST THING I’D EVER READ THAT WAS WRITTEN BY AN ADULT! I honestly think a not particularly gifted fourth of fifth grader could have written/copied from the internet a more coherent and interesting paper. It was something about the Civil War and river battles and ramparts high up on the banks from which the one side fired down on the other and how the leaders of the South weren’t very good and that’s why they lost; therefore, good leaders are important. The end.

Even with the numerous grammatical and style/content changes I made - the hard copy she gave me looked like a candy cane after I finished going over it with my red marking pen - it was still a woeful effort, and that’s being generous. A few days later I ran into her again. She thanked me for the help and then told me excitedly that she got an “A”. A little part of me died upon hearing that. There cannot be a just god in the heavens if this woman earned even a passing grade.


They say that Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer; unfortunately, he’s never cried. This woman’s paper would be that cure if Chuck read it. And remember that this course “can earn a master’s degree.” Sad. Sad. Sad.

And for the medical nerds out there: