Korean Ninja Surfer Girl, You Had Me At "Herro!"

Several weeks ago we headed down to Busan (or Pusan as it's seen more often) for the long Labor Day weekend. Five of us piled into the 1997 Dodge Neon (by the way, I'm accepting suggestions for naming the car), testing its long-distance worthiness. Called the San Francisco of Korea due to its location and function as a port city, Busan has some very nice beaches. The five-hour ride there was quite a bit cramped, we bottomed out the shocks every time we went over even small bumps, and the dangers of Korean driving were as present as ever (they're HORRIBLE drivers in case I haven't mentioned it yet). But we made it in five intact pieces. We parked the Neon at a train station on the outside of the city and took the subway over to the hotel so that we wouldn't have to fight Busan traffic.

This was the first trip where I was the principle driver, so I was more observant of the road than usual. One thing I noticed is that the cars here are nearly all black, white, or silver; you very rarely see any other colors. Nearly all the cars are Korean makes as well. Much of that has to do with the chaebols, which are large business conglomerations that have been supported by the Korean government over the past 40-50 years in order to promote industrialization of the economy. They probably exert more influence over policy-making than even our own big corporations in the US do, if you can believe that. Needless to say, my red Neon stands out.

In addition to the night-life and beach, we

also enjoyed the aquarium, which was really nice.

It's been pointed out to me that red has been considered a bad color for many years, so that may be part of the reason they don't have many red cars here. The Korean war was extremely bloody, and the communists here adopted red as their primary symbolic color, so many people who lived during the war have associated red with that time period. This prejudice has gradually dissipated somewhat as time has passed. During the World Cup in 2002, held in S. Korea, the national team and their cheer team, called the "Red Devils," wore red uniforms. Some people think this played a not insignificant role in recent years in easing some of the old bias.

A Red Devil soccer fan

So you can imagine my surprise when, just after we’d freshened up at the hotel (very nice place right on the beach) and walked out, we see a red Dodge Neon drive right through the intersection in front of our hotel. Oh s$%t! Could that be my car? I mean, how many red Dodge Neons does one expect to see in Korea, and in Busan in particular? So for the rest of the weekend, one of the ongoing joke themes (though not very funny) revolved around the possibility of my car being stolen.

We spent the next day at the beach, which was nice. The weekend just happened to coincide with the first, and probably last, Busan international surfing contest. Only problem with holding a surfing event at Busan is that there aren't any waves to surf. I'm not an ocean scientist, but I did pretty well in math and I'm pretty sure that any number times zero equals zero. Therefore, a surf board x zero waves = zero surfing. It didn't stop the locals from coming out and trying, including one especially attractive young lady who will now have a special place in my heart as "Korean Ninja Surfer Girl," although I doubt she knows any karate or anything like that.

I mentioned previously that Koreans don't like to get tan and will be out hiking and golfing in the middle of the oppressively hot and humid summer in pants and long sleeve shirts with wide-visored hats. I've even seen some of the mountain bikers completely covered like that. Same thing happens at the beaches to a somewhat lesser degree. You don't see Korean guys with shirts off, and there was only one girl in a full-out bikini. Yes, Korean Ninja Surfer Girl, you had me at "Herro." You had me at "Herro."

So a few generalizations about Korean women. As mentioned in the Asian fetish post, they usually look much younger than their stated age. Some of the guys here have called them "pancakes - flat on both sides," implying that they have relatively flat butts and flat chests. They are usually pretty thin, which probably has a lot to do with the diet here which includes lots of vegetable side dishes and the ubiquitous love of hiking. And as mentioned, most of them try to avoid getting tan and getting freckles. As a quick aside: the relatively flat-bottomed Filipino Juicies get very offended if you ask them if they are Korean (or so I hear from others who have interacted with Juicy girls). "NO! We have round eyes and round butts!" So I guess that's what made Korean Ninja Surfer Girl so noticeable - besides a pretty face, she was tan and had a nice ... fuller accessories? There were some Army meatheads who were literally following her up and down the stretch of coast trying to hit on her.

Herro!

All this talk about freckles reminds me of the time in college when some buddies of mine and I were getting ready to go water skiing. I was laying on the grass waiting. This little 5 year old girl comes up and says, "Your underwear is showing." - Stop looking, I say - "You have spots." - They're freckles - She then huffs off, offended. Well, 5 minutes later, she comes back and says the same things. I tell her not to look at my underwear and remind her that they're freckles. She then proceeds to kick me in the ribs and says, "You're a stupid butthole," and walks off. She was definitely in the top 5 toughest 5 year olds I've beaten up.

Another quirk of driving here is that there is no highway patrol. What they've done here, though, is to put up cameras every several miles. If the cameras sense that you're speeding, they take a picture, followed by a pink piece of paper getting sent to you, with the picture, how many km/hr you were over the limit, and how much you owe. Not that I just received one the other day for going 20km/hr over the limit with a fine of 60,000 won. Thing is, they usually post signs off to the side that say, "Police Enforcement" with a picture of a camera on it. In addition, it includes the exact distance until the next row of cameras (usually 500m or so). So what happens is people will speed until they see the signs, then slow down right as they pass under the cameras, then proceed to speed again. Or some of the pilots will crease the front license plate on the car in half, effectively covering up the number on it, then do 120 mph the whole way.

My theory as to why Koreans are such bad drivers is this. Until very recently, most Koreans did not own cars. In China, for instance, Deng Xiaoping didn't open up things until around 1980, and general car ownership among the population didn't occur for probably another 10-20 years after that. I imagine a similar thing occurred here in Korea, though probably sooner than in China. In the States, we have a much longer tradition of car ownership and driving. Plus, I think that our car tradition evolved much more gradually, as did our paved road network. We grew up with several generations of drivers, grew up going around in cars with people who knew how to drive. Here, things have sort of exploded in a short amount of time, and they don't have that culture of rules of the road. Green lights are kind of optional here and only most of the time are turning lanes used only for turning. In the US, I think you see this in California to a lesser degree, where second-generation Asians plague the roadways. You combine that with all Californians general inability to drive in anything other than perfect road condistions, and following behind an SUV full of Asians in Tahoe becomes a near suicidal and/or homicidal occasion.

Lance.